Meet The Birmingham Free Press
On the far left, looming large and imposing, is not, in fact, a knight in shining armor, but merely a suit of armor. Next to this metallic sentinel sits Art, our visionary Art Director, whose magical touch transforms mundane facts into visual feasts. Art’s artistic genius is matched only by his encyclopedic knowledge of obscure avant-garde performance art.
Then comes Riverboat Randy, a titan of storytelling. With a twinkle in his eye and a penchant for the extraordinary, Randy spins yarns about buried treasure, haunted swamps, and other such fantastical occurrences. While his accuracy may be questionable, his entertainment value is undeniable.
Emily, our intrepid investigative journalist, is a force of nature with a nose for news that would make a bloodhound envious. Armed with a relentless pursuit of truth and a healthy disregard for personal safety, Emily uncovers scandals with the ferocity of a hurricane.
At the helm of this journalistic armada is Jack Hammer, our esteemed Editor-in-Chief. A man of steely resolve and unwavering integrity, Jack is the guiding light for our paper. When he’s not barking orders or staring menacingly at the coffee pot, he’s probably plotting the downfall of some nefarious criminal mastermind.
Zane Ellington, our feature writer, is a wordsmith of unparalleled talent. With a flair for the dramatic and a penchant for the absurd, Zane transforms the ordinary into the extraordinary. His ability to find a compelling story in a puddle of rainwater is nothing short of miraculous.
Last, but certainly not least, we have Madam Rose, on sports and weather.
Oh, yeah…that robot in the front, staff, really does all of the work.