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Volume 4

 

February 2011

Crazy ****** Conservatives Believeby John Leander
-BFP staff writer

 

       
In 1773, on a cold December night, over sixty American colonists stormed three British ships, ripped the cargo from its hold and triumphantly dashed thousands of pounds of tea into the dark and unforgiving waters of the Boston harbor.  It was a daring display of defiance, even if the patriots dressed themselves up to look like Native American "savages."

According to J. Allen Varasdi, author and sociologist, all “school children learn that the Boston Tea Party was a protest against higher taxes on imported British tea.”

And unless you’ve been living under Plymouth Rock for the past year you know about the national political movement known as the “Tea Party” or “Tea Party Movement.”  If you check out the website for the Alabama Tea Party, you’ll find these words on the top of their home page “ Are You Taxed Enough Already?”  Later the Alabama Tea Party explains, “with April 15th being “Tax Day,” it was decided to schedule the second round of Tea Party protests to ride alongside the tax deadline.”

How ironic it is then, that the Boston Tea Party violently protested the lowering of tax on British tea. Yeah.  Lower, not higher.   Lower.  Really.

Seems John Hancock, among others, were making pretty pennies from tea smuggled into the colonies from Holland.  This illegal tea was cheaper than the British tea.  The Brits got wise and got rid of their own taxes with an act of Parliament drearily named the Tea Act.  Now their tea was cheaper than Hancock’s.  Plus they had a surplus of seventeen million pounds.  Regular Joe Blow, Esquire, wandering the cobble-stoned streets of Boston, could now get British tea at a ridiculously low price.  Well, Hancock wasn’t going to have any of that, now was he?  He balanced the scales of justice by getting rid of all that nasty supply; thus reinventing the demand needed to drive tea prices back up.

In short, nobody was mad that the British were taxing too much. They were taxing too little.  Hey, it’s cool; business is business.  But how many of these 21st century gun-slinging maniacs know their entire socio-political agenda is based on a complete, utter, and ugly untruth?

It’s pretty funny, except for that eerie, creepy, haunting feeling you get whenever you remember a large group of completely ignorant people are being led around by a tiny group of only slightly smarter people enthusiastically willing to lie and even change history.  Oh, and that large group of completely ignorant people?  Yeah, they all got guns.  How about you?

 

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