BFP Volume 8

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Volume 4

 

January 2011

Crazy ****** Conservatives Believe

Barak Obama is not an American citizen
The “birther” conspiracy continues despite the fact that an image of the president's birth certificate, certified by the Hawaii Department of Health is accessible to anyone within milliseconds .

America has the best healthcare in the world
According to the World Health Organization we rank #37th, right above Slovenia.

Democrats are communists
Even though all government is a form of collectivism, because Democrats don't like the idea of American citizens dying in the streets because they don't have access to affordable healthcare this makes them part of the evil empire.

Religion should be part of public policy
Unless you are talking about one of those funny religions brown people believe in. That stuff is just crazy.

Climatology is a conspiracy
Now that only the most diehard reality deniers reject evolution the wing-nuts have found a new home in the opposition to the science of climate change.

Vaccines cause autism
Who cares what double blind studies reveal or what the entire pediatrics community says? Kids get vaccinated about the same age autism symptoms appear. One thing we do know for sure, vaccinations work; when was the last time you knew someone to die from whooping cough?

ACORN stole the 2008 presidential election
Public Policy Polling conducted a survey that revealed 52% of conservatives believe the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now somehow cooked the books and put their candidate into office. Factcheck.org calls claims of voter fraud by the organization, “breathtakingly inaccurate.”

Euthanasia should be outlawed
This way we can insure that your final exit is as painful as possible.

Immigration should be limited
Limited to white people.

Same-sex marriage is an abomination
If homosexuality is mainstream where's the thrill in an anonymous hookup in the handicap stall at the bus station?

Lower taxes increase government revenue
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, conservatives still believe that lowering taxes will make companies spend more on things that are tax deductible, like labor.

Social safety nets are a bad idea
Who cares about the social contract? What we need is to bring back debtor's prisons. But who is going to pay for them?

Individual states should be free to make their own laws despite what the Federal government decides
Except in the cases of marijuana legalization, gay marriage, etc.

The Free Market will fix everything
I have some swampland in Florida to sell you.

How to Lie with Statistics

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