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Web www.birminghamfreepress.com

November, 2005

God Punishes D. James Kennedy

Hurricane Wilma smashed into Fort Lauderdale in an obvious example of God's vengeance. Coral Ridge Ministries, headquarters of D. James Kennedy's Political Action Committee, was severely damaged recently when YHWY, god of the Israelites, finally reached the end of his patience.

Christians have long ignored the first commandment of, "thou shall have no gods before me," by worshiping this Jesus upstart. Finally the chickens have come home to roost.

Are Conservatives Stupid?

I used to think religion was a good barometer for intelligence; the more religious someone is, the less intelligent. Eventually I realized that there are different kinds of intelligence; religious people aren't dumb in general, just dumb about religion...and history...and philosophy, often science. They may be great at math, grammar, recalling names, etc., but have never developed objective reasoning skills.

Most religious people, nationalists and conservatives in general seem to lack the ability to differentiate between induction and deduction. If you begin a query into a state of affairs with the idea that you belong to some master race, supernaturally endowed by the cosmos with dominion over the planet; you're more likely to rationalize your motives and actions rather than those of a bunch of foreigners who dress funny and speak gibberish. But if you judge your group by the same standards that you measure others, you'll almost certainly not arrive at the conclusion that you're particularly special.

The conservative answer to objective reasoning has recently become, "Why do you hate America?" or "Why do you hate freedom?" Evidently if you're not a goose-stepping nationalist you're one of "them."

So the new barometer for intelligence can be how long it took you to realize the invasion of Iraq was about the biggest foreign policy fuck up in the history of our nation? You're genius level if you realized it before we went in. By all the news accounts at the time Saddam had nukes, mustard gas and sleeper cells all over the planet ready to launch his jihad. If you figured it out just after the invasion you're of average intelligence. OK, they didn't use all those weapons in there own defense. Maybe they strategically chose to go ahead and die and save all their WMDs for some opportune time in the future. If you waited until all the official reports came in you're below average but can still manage to get that magnetic ribbon on the back of your SUV. If you make claims like, "Saddam was a weapon of mass destruction" or "the reason for the invasion was regime change," you're just an idiot and should try to get an AM talk show.

The French Make the Best Soldiers

Buy more bordeaux because without the French we'd still be speaking English.

Alabama Town Named
Cranktown U.S.A.

Welcome to Beulah, AL.

Eveything You Know is Wrong

IBM has found a way to slow down light. So the constant isn't constant after all.

View the Earth from a Satellite

Right now, from up there.

12,OOO Year-Old Pyramid Found in Bosnia

The first pyramid found in Europe is very similar to the ones in South and Central America.

New Giant Ape Spotted in Africa

Scientists believe it could be a new species of primate.