BFP Volume 5


Classic BFP

Murder Most Foul

Volume 4





Headline News

Local News

Offbeat News

Cool New Websites

Entertainment News

Science News


August, 2005

More Lies on Talk Radio

So Jesse Jackson meet with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez over the weekend and said that the two countries should work out their differences through diplomacy. Here's how Russ Fine told the story...

Alabama Man Mistakes Flares from Military Plane for Second Coming

Alex Cassity of Midway is a God-fearing man, so when he saw strange lights in the sky over his home...

Buffo the World's Strongest Clown

Just when you thought it was safe to get out of bed. Be sure to turn the sound up...loud.

Alabama Found to be Second Fattest State

Thank god for Mississippi

Out takes from the Iraqi Constitution

Islam is the official religion of the State and is to be considered a source of legislation.

New Stephen Smith Illustration Site Up

Click here to check it out

Whites Only Sign in Ashland, Alabama Sets off Latest Round Of Southern Bashing

The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has filed suit against Tyson’s Foods alleging that its Alabama-based facility maintained a “Whites-only” bathroom and that managers sternly disciplined Black workers who complained about it.

What Would Happen if a White Guy Tried to Blow up an Airplane and Nobody Cared?

Is that a pipe bomb in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Newsweek Cover Story Recognizes Black Baptist Buddhist from Birmingham

The "liberal" media's obsession with religion continues. Not to be outdone by Time, which put the Virgin Mary, two popes, the Intelligent Design debate and the top 25 evangelicals on its cover this year, Newsweek deems it appropriate to explore Spirituality in America.

In a story about birmingham native Jan Willis Newsweek states, "So-called Christians in her hometown periodically blinded black children by tossing acid or hot lye at them. The Ku Klux Klan even burned a cross outside Willis's house, as she crouched inside, expecting to die."

Why it's a Great Idea to Teach Religion in the Classroom and Why it Won't Work

The Alabama Educational Association has distributed 50,000 copies of two booklets to teachers around the state. The Bible and Public Schools and A Teacher's Guide to Religion in Public Schools. AEA spokesman, David Stout, said the goal was to dispel the notion that the "Bible and prayer aren't allowed in public schools." The guides themselves are harmless, if not actually positive. The problem is how this action is already being interpreted by many Alabamians.

Alabama Child Welfare System a Model for the Nation

No it's not a joke. And no, I'm not making it up.

Oak Mountain High School Blocks Access to Popular Website that has Students Grading and Critiquing Their Teachers

BIRMINGHAM, AL - has quickly established itself in classrooms around the country as a useful resource for students, teachers, and parents alike.  The site is an innovative idea, allowing students to share opinions and actually grade their teachers.  Over fifty-thousand teachers, students, and parents alike log in to the site every day, but not in Oak Mountain High School, where officials have blocked access to on all school computers, even during student free time. The move raises interesting first amendment and student/parent rights questions.

Fyffee, Alabama Celebrates UFO Visit

Here's the USA Today story. These UFOs were notorious for their cattle mutilations. But as it turns out it's not that uncommon.

Camilla Queen

Flash ode to Camilla Parker Bowles set to the tune of Queen's Queen Killer.Prince Charles was driving around his mother’s estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught.The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.

Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished it and immediately a genie appeared.“You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment,” said the genie. “As a reward, I shall grant you one wish.”“Well,” said the Prince, “I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog.”They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. “Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?” the Prince asked.The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. “This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?”The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. “I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana,” said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo. “But now I love this woman called Camilla,” and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see Camilla isn’t beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?”The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, “Let’s have a look at that dog again.”

More Lies on Talk Radio

Matt Murphy is Birmingham's least imaginative Limbaugh clone. During a brief 10 minute segment on August 18th he broadcast no less than four whoppers. Two were from a caller who claimed unchallenged that 99.9 percent of Iraqis are glad that the American's are there. He went on to say that thanks to the invasion now girls can finally go to school.

After Matt blessed his caller he started his mandatory assault on Cindy Sheehan, the grieving mother of a slain soldier who started a public lamentation outside Bush's Western White House hoping to be granted an audience with the president. He alluded to how the mainstream media's not telling us that Sheehan had already meet with Bush along with a group of other women who lost family in the war back in 2003. Of course this was reported by all the major networks including PBS, which is imagined to be the most left-leaning of them all. Has Matt fallen for the "Liberal Media" conspiracy to such a degree that he can just assume what it reports without actually watching it?

Finally in a tirade against the liberal strawman Matt said the War in Iraq is justified because America was attacked on 9/11. ...Man. Now that all the official reports have come in and everyone and his mother knows that Iraq had nothing to do with the attacks on the World Trade Center can we just call this a lie?

Crazy Letter

When you put a newspaper out you get all kinds of stuff in the mail from publicity seekers. Press releases from bands, artists and authors and an occasional free CD, book or DVD. But best of all is stuff like this:

I especially like the way it was written on torn paper. It really adds to the "I'm crazy" aspect of the letter.

U.S. News and World Report Recognizes Discrimination against Local Atheist

The owner of a coffee shop near Birmingham, Ala., has banned members of a secular group for atheists, agnostics, and other questioners from meeting in her cafe. The Universist Movement is claiming Christian persecution, while Cool Beans owner Amy Anderson says she's only trying to maintain order in her business.

New Art

Here, now isn't this lovely? I'm sending this painting to a gallery in New York. It's called "Face."

This one too. It's called "Mouth 1."

And this one. It's called "Mouth 2."

I've been painting a lot lately, now that I think about it. In addition to all of my commercial work I've also recently completed the painting below. It's actually a recreation of an earlier oil called "Lookout." The original was in a traveling show called Nude Nite. It was run by this guy named Victor Perez who used to live in Orlando. Now he's in Philadelphia. I had four paintings in the show and got none of them back. Perez never avoided my phone calls and insisted the paintings were safe. Eventually he claimed they were shipped back but I never saw them and for some reason this was my problem.

Just for the record the shipping plus return postage put me out about $300 and the frames were another $450. I believe the four paintings were each priced between $750 and $2500. Hopefully by the end of next year I will have reproduced them all. Click on the picture to see an image of the original.