According to the Latest Edition of The Birmingham Free Press an extraordinary heroic feat was performed right here just 24 hours ago. A horrible monster attacked a young lady dressed up like Barbarella. The lady, identified as Jane Fonda, was rescued by some guy dressed up like Batman. The Batman guy shot the monster with his pistol about 100 times. Way more than was necessary. The thing was long past dead after about twenty shots, but this crazy guy in the Batman costume just kept firing away. It was very cruel.